Thursday, October 7, 2010


As I sit here on the couch, with Lilly and t.v. on to the movie powder.. I sit and conteplate everything that has happen in the 5 years.. I think to myself wow.. So for the past two months of it my period has came 6 days early and now this month 4 days early. I am really doing everything they say to do, I have no clue what else I can do.. Chad is going to go get checked to see how his spermies are doing, he is very nervous and afraid of the results. I need to know if we can not have anymore then ok I need to hear it from the dr. and not just sit here and geuss what is going on.. So last month we did it when we needed to, and now my lower back hurts, my breast are tender and i pee so much.. But yet I am spotting red not brown blood like you should be.. The sad thing is I am smart of enough to know alot about pregnancy.. If I were I would be one day shy of 4 weeks, but I guess what ever right.. I mean I do not have it in my control to do anything.. No magic wand no special words or procedures.. So I guess on a good note my daughter's bio father is not having such a great marriage.. He has cheated on her in the two years they have been together over 5 times now.. She is due November 1st and he is now saying he has no idea if it is his.. She has been with several doctor's even one that was married.. Everything that they said bad about me and Lilly is now coming around and biting them in the ass... His friends are starting to find out about Lillian, his one brother knows and seems to not care, it will come out.. This is why I have been so patient with all this.. Karma is a bitch and it will come back and bite both of them in the ass.. Any who I guess back to everything else, I really do not know How I feel about missing all these months with not getting pregnant.. I am kinda numb but I guess that is normal... So onto Christmas, I have been shopping already for Lilly and others.. I feel if I do not shop now I will not be able to get her anything she would like.. Speaking of not getting anything, We are finally moving out. Yay.. I am glad we are going to move in my parents for 6 months-1 year.. so we can save money and get a house.. To be honest I would love to have a house before another kid.. Megan's little girl will be here in 1.5 months and i can not wait to see her and meet her.. I will live vicariously through my friends little ones... So that should be all this time.. It makes me feel so good to be able to get all this out even if no one reads it..

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